Username and Password… Please.
Have you ever had one of those dreams that were so real you woke up the next morning and it ruined your whole day? …Or maybe just part of the day?
Well, this morning I woke up one pissed off wife thanks to an all too vivid dream I had last night. Logically, I know it was just a dream… hell, I didn’t even know the slut… but it was so real, that I actually woke up with a pit in my stomach. I couldn’t even look at that cheatin’ bastard without wanting to roundhouse heel kick him right in the junk.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I couldn’t help it. I was a woman scorned… by a dream! Oddly enough though, the fact that he cheated on me wasn’t even what really had my panties in a wad. No! It was the fact that he chose that whore over me and the kids after I busted him. What a dick! And that’s the last thing I remember before I woke up.
Even though hubs was severely suffering for a crime he didn’t actually commit; he still found it to be quite amusing. Mr. 2-Timer thought it was hilarious to eff with me all morning because of it (which irked me even more).
“Was she hot?”
“How old was she?”
“Blonde or Brunette?”
“Did she have a nice ass?”
“How big was her rack?” –> Rack… Really?! Is this how guys really talk?
“I need a visual so I know if it was worth it or not!”
Seriously… Big pimpin was within inches of only having a couple inches left; cuz I was about to tear it off! Anyway, he finally left for work (laughing his ass off) and I finally managed to cool my jets over something that didn’t really even happen.*Okay… stay with me here, because this second story was slightly affected by my troubling dream.*
A couple days ago, I had gotten an email from Mohela (who I have most of my student loans through) telling me that my 2011 reportable interest information was available online to view. So like anything else that falls under the “financial” umbrella, I turned this over to my husband.
According to the email, all we needed to do was log into “my” account, download and print the info. Sounds easy enough… right? Well not so much when you can’t remember your username and password. We tried everything we thought it could be before it finally locked us out. “Eff! Why does everything always have to be such a pain in the ass?!” And now the only way to fix being locked out was by calling Mohela. I happily passed that torch onto my hubs
So anyway, he calls me today (remember I’m still sorta mad over this dream of mine); and I answer the phone “What do you want… Cheater!””Ummmm… Nice. We’re on a 3-way call with a gentleman from Mohela. He needs you to give him permission to disclose your account info to me.””Ha ha! Ooops! Sorry, he’s really not a cheater. That was just an inside joke from this morning.” I quickly say in an attempt to cover up the embarrassing comment that just vomited out of my mouth.I give permission, hang up, and about 5 minutes later hubs is calling me again.
After my very polite “Hello…” I hear “You’re a dumb-shit!”
I start laughing because I’m thinking he’s referring to what just happened 5 minutes ago; and he’s all…
“No a-hole, it gets worse.”
*I swear my husband and I have a loving relationship… we just sometimes communicate in a sarcastic, name-calling, loving kinda way . NOT in front of the kids, of course.*“Oh no! What now?” My laughter quickly shifts to fear cuz now I’m thinking he’s going to tell me we owe a bunch more money or something.”So… remember the other night when we were trying to figure out what the username and password could possibly be?””Yes.” I respond.
“The nice man from Mohela told me what it was.”
“Oh, great…” and before I could even get out the rest of my sentence “…what was it?” hubs cuts me off and says…
“Your username… is Stupid Ass; and your password… is F*ck You“.
I lost it! I was laughing so hard I had tears running down my face. I finally managed to compose myself long enough to say “OMG, this poor guy had to say this to you…. what did you say?”
“I just started laughing and blamed it on you!”
I can say with about 73% certainty that there is no way I would have ever put that as my username and password. I think my hub did it (since he’s usually the one who handles that crap anyway) and doesn’t remember. I think he was the one who set up my online account (pissed off over how much we owed for my masters classes) and put that for my username and password… NOT ME! He vehemently disagrees and swears that there is no way he would have ever assigned that, pissed off or not. It’s been so long ago, neither one of us even remember setting up the online account. It’s just kinda always been there.
And since both of us are positive that neither one of us did it; I guess this will just have to be added to that ever growing list of life’s unsolved mysteries!
Oh, what that poor Mohela man must think of us…