I started blogging a little over two years ago, because I needed an outlet for the baby-crazy in my head. It was going to be a TTC thing, until I was lucky enough to get pregnant. Which happened like two seconds later. Which is probably a good thing, because I would have been A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G to the max. I was full on obsessed that first go-round. I temped before I was even off birth control, because that made sense (not). I read up on when, how often, what positions. Which meant, for me, often and however.
This time… I had originally planned on being obsessed this time. I gave myself wiggle room and leeway to be a TTC nut. I’m finding that I’m just not quite so over the top this time (so far). I weaned myself off Zoloft and caffeine. I finished my packet of pills. I’ve been taking prenatal vitamins for two months. I reminded myself of my Fertility Friend log-in information. I attempted to find my basal thermometer.
There I stopped. I haven’t done anything on Fertility Friend. I never did find that thermometer. I think perhaps I’m a little gun-shy. It’s hard to think of starting all over again with a newborn and the crying and the sleepless nights and the crying.
But also, I know I have changed a lot in the two years that have passed since I started this little blog. I have found a strength in myself. And I have also found a tiny bit of faith. I hear there’s this cool guy upstairs looking out for us. He’s always dishing out only what we can handle. He’ll let me get pregnant on his own time, when things are meant to work out. I have faith in that. Why shouldn’t I? Everything else has always worked out, in whatever way, for the best.
So this time, I’m not obsessed. I’m not temping or tracking or attempting awkward positions. I’m not constantly googling. I’m just letting things go with the flow. I’m totally cool and relaxed. I’m a normal human being, who just happens to be off the pill while enjoying relations with her husband. I even bought a brand new box of tampons for next month when I’ll need them. So I can jinx the need. Totally normal. Not obsessed. Nope, not me. And clearly, anyone who is not obsessed blogs all about it. That’s a totally normal, not-obsessed sort of thing to do.
I’m not obsessed. Right?