I have so much to say about Gavin’s wonderful, fabulous first birthday party! But I’m at my third day of a four day conference. Bear with me, I promise patience will be rewarded with details of our party.
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This little guy, my buddy boy, turns one tomorrow. He has enriched my life, our family, and the world so much. I can’t wait to see what his next year brings us!
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I fully intended on blogging on Monday. I wasn’t feeling well, and it just didn’t happen. I stayed home yesterday and took a four hour nap. 11:00 to 3:00. It was epic.
I napped all crunched up on the couch in a weird position. My back hurts.
I was able to garner enough strength to take a shower, buy fake flowers at Michael’s for Gavin’s party on Saturday, and get groceries. I about died after that.
Did you know that it’s really hard to find fake Black Eyed Susans? I wound up buying a bunch of plain yellow daisies, and painting the middles with black acrylic paint. I thought I was taking crazy to a new level, but it was actually really quick and easy – and the flowers look great!
My mom flies in this afternoon. I can’t wait to see her! I know she’ll help decorate for the party on Saturday. The party for which she has already done some fabulous things (and had shipped to me)… I can’t wait to share on Monday! Or Tuesday… Or whenever I get my act together…
This party is going to be insane. I can’t wait!
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Last night, Laura and I had a tickle fight. I won of course. I’m bigger and stronger than her. And she enjoys being tickled, while I enjoy doing the tickling. Then we had a staring contest, with our noses touching till we each began to see the other as a cyclops – first to see a cyclops was the winner. Then Laura stole my nose. So I stole hers. Then she ate my nose… and we sort of devolved from there into piles of laughter.
SO THEN we obviously had to gang up on Nate/Daddy and tickle him. Except that he’s bigger and stronger than both of us… I lost. Big time. I was curled in a fetal position, laughter so hard my sides hurt, trying to roll like a turtle away from the tickling. I couldn’t get away. It was wonderful.
There isn’t really a point to any of this, and that’s the best part of it all. We were just doing silly things, enjoying each other, and laughing. It wasn’t hard. I didn’t have to force myself. I wanted to be right where I was, enjoying that exact moment (minus a little of the tickling of my own stomach and feet).
So if I wondered at all if going back on Zoloft was the right decision, I think I have my answer.
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Life has been happening at an astounding pace. Nothing overly important, just life being what it is. Laundry and groceries and tidying the house and playing princess and dinner with friends and everything else.
Sunday I ran my third race: the Port to Fort 6k. It was my longest race (and nearly my longest ever run, ever, in my life), and a fabulous time. I mean that in two ways – I had a blast running it, and I ran it really fast!
33:50 for 3.75 miles.
I was satisfied at the first mile when they called out 10:02 – I adjusted for the time it took to get over the start, and knew I was under a 10 minute mile; right on pace and I felt great. I was slightly surprised at the 2 mile mark when I heard 19:12. I still felt great – and the route was gorgeous. I was astounded at the 3 mile mark, when I was hoping to be under 30 minutes… I thought I was hearing 29 over and over… when I really crossed the 3 mile mark at 28 minutes even! So when I finished the race five minutes later, with a great kick, and still a little to spare, I was amazed at how well I had done, and so very proud of myself.
And also sad and lonely. Because this race, as fun as it was to run, was one I drove myself to, waited by myself to start, and had no one to greet me at the finish. I signed up for it with no expectations of running with a friend. And it was really lonely. I basically crossed the finish, texted everyone my fabulous splits, ate a banana… and wandered back to my car. I was home and showered by 9:30 am.
I don’t have any more races lined up. I’m looking for another – it’s just more fun running before work when I’m training for something. And the races themselves give me such a feeling of pride. But I do not want to run another race alone. I felt so lonely watching everyone else mingle and laugh and cheer – I want that feeling, too!
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Way back in August, I wrote about my brother-in-law’s engagement. At the time, I was reeling with how soon he proposed after meeting his future wife. Fast forward a few months – they were married this weekend. A beautiful wedding, filled with so much love. I couldn’t be happier for my brother-in-law and new sister-in-law.
For truly, she already is such a part of our family. She has completely embraced all of us, and there are many of us to embrace. I return her embrace whole-heartedly.
(And for the record, I absolutely loved how I looked on Saturday! I felt so confident in my slinky sequined dress, with the hot pink heels. My make-up was exactly how I wanted to look, and even my hair cooperated. Confidence is fabulous!)
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I tend to close myself off from tragedy. It makes me seem (and often feel) a bit cold and unfeeling, but it’s only because if I allow myself to become involved I feel too much. I dissolve into a lump of sadness, and I can’t move on. I need distance from tragedy to hold myself together.
I haven’t been able to close myself off from Monday. My brother was there. My brother is safe, but what if? What if the explosions had been earlier? What if my brother had run slower? What if my older brother had been able to meet him at the finish (as originally planned), and they had stayed to watch?
So I’m searching for the news and updates and articles that I usually try to avoid. And I’m feeling pretty fragile. It’s heartwrenching to read about the victims, but there have been a few things I’ve read in all of this that I wouldn’t have read in a more closed-off state. Lovely articles that made me cry, but also resonated in my fragile heart.
The People Who Watch Marathons had me sobbing on the train this morning. I have been the one cheering in the crowd at so many races for so many years. Yelling and screaming for my brother, as I watched his high school and college meets. Jumping up and down like a maniac as he ran past me for a few fleeting seconds.
And I know it doesn’t qualify me as an expert, but I have now run in two races of my own. And even though they weren’t very long races, I was so touched at each by the crowds of strangers along the streets, holding up signs for ME. Jumping up and down for ME. Cheering… for me. It was so different – and exhilerating! – being on the other side of the race.
So I’m stuck. Feeling too much. Feeling too fragile. Feeling stuck and weepy and unable to concentrate.
But also wondering when I can run another race again. So when my dad emailed me about the Port to Fort 6k in Baltimore, which already supports a cause dear to my heart, and how they have created the team “Run For Boston,” I knew I had found my race.
Now all I need is “permission” from Nate to sign up - I’ll need his babysitting services!
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I grew up in a town just west of Boston, where Patriot’s Day meant two things: spring break, and the Boston Marathon. My father ran the marathon several years ago now, though it feels like his run was last year. He trained for months, losing 50 pounds along the way.
My younger brother ran it yesterday. Yesterday, while I was reveling in my 5k success, my brother had just finished a 26.2 mile run through the suburbs of Boston.
In my post yesterday, I meant to write about how I was sitting at work, nearly biting my nails with nerves, watching the live coverage of the marathon online, hoping for some little glimpse of my brother in the crowds. He was near the front with a very low bib number, so I thought just maybe he’d run past a camera at the start and I’d see him.
I was on edge all morning watching the race, waiting for the text messages to tell me his splits. He finished at 12:47, with a race time of 2:46:53. Twenty-six point two miles, averaging 6:21 minute miles. Amazing.
And as soon as I received that text, my heart began to feel lighter and I was able to relax a little. He shortly thereafter sent a text “Call me Elvis cuz I’m still alive.” He was making jokes! Cheerful! So I knew he was in good spirits, and happy with his race.
And even more thankfully – he finished so early, he was already boarding a train out of the city when the bombs went off. He was safe, and heading home, far from the fray of the explosions. He texted everyone immediately that he was fine.
My brother is safe.
My heart goes out to every Bostonian today, to all the runners, all the race organizers and volunteers, and to all the spectators at the race. My prayers are with the victims and their families. I am beyond thankful that my brother is safe, that all my friends and family from the city are safe.
I don’t live in Boston anymore, nor do I have plans to move there in the future. But Boston is my home. It’s part of me. You can take the girl out of Boston, but you can never take the Boston out of the girl. Love that dirty water.
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I ran my second 5k in as many weeks yesterday – the Red Shoe Shuffle, for which participants raised over $250,000 for the Ronald McDonald House Charities of Baltimore. Well over three times the original goal of the race! I am so proud that our family took part in such a great cause.
Yes, we ran the race as a family. Sort of. Nate walk/jogged holding Gavin. I ran pushing Laura. Laura chatted and kicked her feet up, after telling us for weeks how excited she was to run in the race. I’m not at all surprised she didn’t actually run at all – and having her run wasn’t the point. The point was we were running for sick children in the hospital. And when she kept asking when we would get to the hospital to help the sick children, I knew she wanted to help. She didn’t run, but her heart was 100% in it.
As for me, I ran a 5k pushing a stroller for the very first time in 33:40! I was hoping for under 35 minutes, giving me a 5 minute grace period from my solo 5k last week. I knew pushing a stroller would be harder. And it was! What a different experience!
First, I had to remember that I usually run swinging my arms. Once I realized that the BOB I borrowed was so, so easy to push one-handed, I just switched which arm pushed and which arm swung, and that helped. But perhaps even harder was that I don’t usually talk when I run… and Laura could not have been chattier! I was so exhausted just from talking to her, and leaning down to hear her over the noise of wind, other runners, some very loud cheering, and bits of traffic!
I did have to walk a tiny section – the middle portion of the very last “hill” was just too much. But when the firefighters started clapping for me, saying “Great job, mom!” I knew I had to start running again and make it to the top!
As far as racing tactics went, I had a little trouble getting started. There were a TON of walkers blocking me from running at all, and I had to get used to navigating the stroller through those crowds. I was a little irritated, as there was a start section for runners (I was in it), and a start section for walkers – people clearly just didn’t care.
Aside from that, my pacing was much more even this race! I probably went out a little too fast the first half, since that last hill slowed me to a walk, but I also wasn’t sprinting like a crazy person at the end, with too much left in my legs. So I’m really happy with that.
I don’t have any more races on the horizon, but I’d definitely sign up for another 5k if one came my way!
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I freaked.out. the other day. Completely, 100% lost my everything. Over birthday party invitations. And just when I thought I was going to ruin the birthday party and mess everything up and have the worst, uninspiring invitations ever, I dragged myself back to reality.
I read through my blog. I pulled up the posts on the three birthday parties I’ve thrown so far, and read them. I smiled as I remembered Laura’s first, second and third birthdays. I lovingly revisited her parties – and laughed when I remembered how difficult it has been for me to find invitations for her birthdays, too!
I read through my blog, and found some perspective.
But I also found a little inspiration. Reading those blog posts reminded me of some websites I hadn’t checked yet for this round of planning. Websites like Paperless Post. How could I have forgotten Paperless Post?! Hysteria does weird things to a person.
At any rate, if you haven’t clicked over to Paperless Post, go check it out. I have always been so, very pleased with all of their beautiful invitations. I feel such a connection – knowing that I’m not the only person out there trying to throw a polar bear party, or a Preakness (betting included) first birthday party.
Perfect, right? Absolutely, freaking perfect. Exactly what I wanted – and was unable to find anywhere else on the web. Etsy, Tiny Prints, Minted, Shutterfly, Snapfish… I was getting desperate, and no one had what I wanted. Paperless Post did – and in paper form, too!
By spending a few minutes to read through my life in blog form, I found focus – and ultimately found invitations. Panic has subsided. It’s going to be a great birthday party. And Gavin won’t even care!
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